Wall Lover

The second mental turn-on – Challenges.

I love a challenge.

I came to this startling realization just recenlty.

We had no money, I mean nothing, zero zilch.

We needed groceries, baby supplies.

For $1.50 I got the following:

3 cans evaporated milk

Diapers

Sanitary Napkins

Baby Formula & Bread

Yeah I said $1.50

I got such a rush from being against the wall. I was so excited to see what I can do with such little money.  It was amazing and fun. It was rewarding to be successful. It was a thrill to make it out alive. With this new found understanding of myself I can embrace myself for what I am. Rather than being stuck and confused as to why I set myself for “failure”. Because I never really fail. So I don’t beat myself up anymore. I look forward to the challenge and therefore my success and enjoy the pleasure of the challange.

Life is not about being easy. I was raised to be simple, to take things slowly, to walk the path with least resistance.  But I can not learn from a path already walked on. I choose to make my own path. I choose to climb, crawl, dig, scratch, my way to whatever goal I want. Why? Because it makes me feel alive. It makes me feel like I accomplished something. I give all glory to God, but is it wrong to want to be in the trenches with him? To see what he sees. Rather than seeing one set of footsteps I want to see two. I will submit myself to his mercy when needed but if I am able bodied and mind I want to walk alongside him and endure the adversities that come up. I want to see the mayhem and encourage it with a gentle nudge that I am here to welcome it and push it out of my way.

I am not speaking of drama. Or of creating some delusions of problems that don’t exist. I want to embrace life as I move forward in it. Change with the tide. Welcome the troubles so that I can seek the refuge after it.

 

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